Friday, September 9, 2016

The End Was Near

Audrey is now almost six months and Avery is about to turn three all in a week. I have been incredibly behind in blogging and documenting anything that we've been doing. The big answer to all of the absence is trials. Trials come and trials go and never when we want or when we're ready. I continued to get kidney pain right up until I delivered. I thought for sure that I would feel better after having Audrey. Fast forward to now and I am still having lots of medical challenges. I often wonder if I will ever be able to go through a day and not feel sick. Addison has been an incredible help and the happiest little mother to Audrey. She'll pick her up at any chance and calm her down. She gets toys, changes diapers, gives a bottle, rocks her...the list goes on. She even has grown up enough to get herself all ready in the morning and then put breakfast in the toaster for her and Avery.  I've had to spend a lot of time in bed and her independence and willingness to help out has helped me. Avery has learned to play quietly on the ipad when she wakes up 2 hours before everyone else. I have to remind myself of the tiny tender mercies through all the heartache. I think I have spent at least 2 days a week since Audrey was born up on base at the doctors. On one hand I've been incredibly grateful that we've had no medical bills through all of this. On the other hand I have felt very frustrated by lack of answers. I had to stop nursing this week just shy of Audrey turning 6 months. It was extremely emotional for me and poor Audrey had no idea what was going on. It took a lot of prayers and almost 3 weeks for her to give into the bottle. My body has stopped producing and I've felt like it's been Heavenly Father telling me, "It's okay". A kind woman in my ward gave me breast milk because I wasn't producing enough and I couldn't get her to take formula. This was one of the most humbling experiences I've ever had. I had the thought to ask my friend and I was really nervous with what she would say. To date she has given me over 100 ounces of milk. I was reminded by another one of my friends that some of the pioneer women did this for each other. Only they would physically nurse the others child. What a great reminder to me of what a modern pioneer is. I have had friends watch Addison and Avery for hours at a time with nothing expected in return. I've had meals given to my family and kind words and listening ears through all of this. Dave has been able to get me into a couple specialist on base in the past month. I am having my kidney stone removed in a few weeks and I am hopeful to have some relief soon. One of the hardest part added to my health challenges is that Audrey doesn't sleep well at all. Dave and I both didn't think we could have a baby that slept worse than Avery. I am hoping that now Audrey is taking formula she'll start sleeping better. I don't think she was every getting enough to keep her satisfied. On the weekends and on his days off Dave has helped me at night. It's been a family affair to survive around here! I am indeed grateful for the three beautiful daughters that we've been blessed with. Someday I know I will look back on this phase of my test in this life and feel peace.

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